An important first step...

Okay so... this is probably going to be the most difficult post I will write. It shouldn't be but then again, I do tend to overreact. That's why I have decided to get it out of the way now. As i'm sure not many people if any people will read this blog, it feels like a safe place to come out but not... if that makes any sense.

Its time to win this war!

I have already created a post on tumblr on how I realized that i was a lesbian. ( http://ebonysimmonds.tumblr.com/post/70831953858/my-story ) Like many LGBT this was a difficult time and process. Now I'm almost eighteen (one week to go!) I think its time i came out entirely. From my last blog post i said that it was one of my bucket list aims to come out to my family.

To start from the beginning, the first person i came out to was my best friend. She had been there through so much of my mindless nonsense that i had no doubts about telling her at all... or so i thought. I remember planning a day out with her, we both had something to say so it seemed perfect. I remember feeling this twist of excitement and anticipation when i was waiting to leave to meet her. When the time came to tell her... i couldn't bring the words out. I remember the exact moment of walking through the high street and going to tell her. What said instead was "Paige, i am ... hungry. lets go eat."

A failure. However, It was still an amazing time, later on I text her a very long message apologizing for not telling her in person. She told me to stop being silly and was very supportive and more amazing than i had ever expected. That was the moment i realized that there was no need to push myself into telling the world, these things take time and honestly i was pretty proud i had come that far. Later i told my other closest friends and they took it just as well. So, far i haven't had any negative responses, which i can only thank my truly amazing friends for.  

The most amazing best friend!

This doesn't stop the worried thoughts though and as a sufferer of anxiety attacks i still have those tearful moments when i consider telling my parents. I had originally decided to wait until i was away at university to tell them as i felt that the distance would make it easier if anything went wrong or simply so that they can think it all through. Now that I'm not going to university that makes it a little difficult, but this year i have persuaded myself to come out entirely. No matter what way i do it, its time to let myself be who i really am and stop hiding such an important part of myself away.

Inspired by the amazing Kaelyn and Lucy. 
( http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBApzcxOY4b2VZLJcKIqLeA ) a YouTube long distance couple their videos helped me to come to turns with my sexuality. From seeing their strength and love I have finally plucked up the courage to find that someone special.... and believe it or not i think i may have! A lovely beautiful girl, who i had only met recently online has become very special in my heart. This has encouraged me even further to take this important first step into coming out.

The stunning Kaelyn and Lucy!

My 2014 Bucket List.

This new year is a major milestone for me. As my 18th birthday is only a week away, i want to make sure that its a year to remember. Inspired by the beautiful Becca Rose's 2014 Bucket List. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FM3M_x3alzQ )  To ensure this i have decided my first blog post will be my bucket list...

1. To travel to three new places with friends for the first time.
2. To photograph all my favorite moments of the year.
3. To try as much new foods as possible. (a major foodie!)
4. To come out to my family. (LGBT)
5. To volunteer at an animal shelter.
6. To read a new book every month. (That i wouldn't usually choose)
7. To try my best to move out.
8. To make more of an effort to go out with friends.
9. To build new friendships.
10. To face my fears instead of hiding away from them.
11. Try a new activity every month and write a post about it.
12. To do a blog post at least once every week.
13. To start a YouTube channel exploring a topic i'm passionate about.
14. To exceed my expectations.

Now, these may not seem that big or special, however i hope that these fourteen tasks will help me to become a stronger and happier version of myself. I will probably add to or change this list as the year goes along.